Sorry, Gotta Go (literally!)

Out of shear curiosity and the fact I nearly pottied my britches yesterday waiting in a line for the bathroom, I just had to try and find out why it is as we get closer to the bathroom, our urge to go gets stronger? I hadn’t waited until the “last moment” to go to the bathroom, I went only because I knew there wouldn’t be another opportunity for a while. But as I waited in the line for an open stall, I nearly had an accident. Of course it gets much worse when I’m in the stall prepping myself to sit and go.

So I went online and tried to find a medical explanation for this. My first problem was, what do I Google? So I put in “Why do I have to pee more when I get closer to a bathroom?” Here’s what I learned first; folks, don’t allow your children to Google strange things out of the blue! Wow, there is some weird information out there I can’t imagine anyone really needs to know! After several attempts at moving and changing the wording of my search, I eventually found this (and not exactly the medical answer I was hoping for, but all I could find):

The question was posted on Askville; "Why do people need to go to the bathroom when they get close to home or right when they open the door, rush to pee?"

Answers posted:

“(I had a long answer and it just vanished, this sucks, so here is a much shorter version)

I think a lot of it is from excitement and anticipation of being home or to the special place. I know that is the case with my boys, and then throw in a Small Bladder and look out. Thank god for Pampers size 7 and the new Under jams.

Also the fact that as we get home from a trip we start to relax and when you pull in that driveway you do relax and when that happens and the muscles around the bladder start to relax, look out!!!”

About the best answer I found, and still not exactly what I hoped for was:

“As for myself, I seem to "suffer" that the closer I get to the restroom, similar to a nursing "let down" if you will. I think we program ourselves that way, much like Pavlov's dog who when a bell was rang started salivating in anticipation of food.”

That’s it. If anyone knows the medical reason, please let me know. Gotta go now! LOL!

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What the Hey?? Is this America?

Of recent, as people chat about the politically induced events happening in our country, I have chalked it up to gossip. You know, the normal, everyone favors the presidential elective until they are in office, then, true to our reputation, we Americans dislike our new official. It seems to be a regular occurrence with our populous. Myself? I’ve always believed if we, the majority, elect a U.S. president, it is our obligation to support him. I mean, how does it look to the rest of the world if we hate our leader? I’ll step forward and say how it looks—weak as a people and as a nation!

Now like I stated, I am not a complainer by nature. Sure, I hurt, I bitch, we all do. But for the most part, I keep these opinions to myself—not after yesterday. This may sound stupid to some, but as a “big picture” it frightened me. I go to the local smoke shop to buy a pack of suicide sticks (I know, I seem much more intelligent than that), the only bad habit I have, okay, “really” bad habit, I get it, I get it! When I walk in the door I immediately notice numerous changes in the place. I ask the merchant, “What’s up?” She told me that because of the new laws, her store had to change. No longer is she allowed to have any signage outside (no advertizing). All inside advertizing MUST be in black and white only. What and why are my questions. In addition, nobody is allowed to touch the cigarettes until they are purchased. She said they gave no explanation for any of this.

So basically, because I smoke, I am not allowed to see color any longer—bad me! She also told me the new e-cigarettes are now illegal. For those of you who don’t know what an e-cigarette is, it is a safe alternative to smoking tobacco cigarettes. It also produces no second-hand smoke (learn about them at http://smokeecig.blogspot.com/). I use them to reduce my tobacco use. So why then is it illegal? One BIG reason is likely because the tobacco companies are losing money; that means less tobacco tax collected.

For the first time I see what the beef is about and I’m onboard. So ultimately, where are we? I don’t want to live in North Korea or Russia in the 70’s. I can only be thankful I am getting older, and hopefully, my world won’t change much more before I die because old people don’t adapt well to change!

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Okay, We’re Not Actually DYING at Age 25!

So as a follow-up to the post “So When You’re Feeling Old…” (2 posts down), I wanted to ask the question “why is our generation trying so desperately not to age?” Your comments on that last post got me really thinking (a rare happening).

Just so you know what age group I’m referring to, I’ll tell you my age, I’m exactly fiftyisheraboutintheresomewhere years old. My generation does not appear to accept the aging process and mortality well at all. We will all die, it’s inevitable. But how we handle the road to that point is either with grace or through rush-hour traffic.

I myself have had my share of dread entangled with my thoughts of getting old(er). Turning 50 was a drag to say the least, and with menopause at its peak then, it was truly an uphill battle. A battle I didn’t need since my knees are giving out as well!

So then why the heavy face creams, Botox, hair color, laser, tweezers, lifts, and polish? I don’t recall my parents being so concerned. Maybe it’s because they had such a hard life in comparison that the end sounded better for them??? We, (my generation) are a tad on the spoiled side. Most of us had the Ozzie and Harriet upbringing, the real estate and stock market boom, and technology growth to make our lives easier, maybe too easy. Is it possible we just don’t want to leave a good thing so we try desperately not to age at all?

One thing I am especially thankful for is that I was not born into the present “I want” generation of computer kids living without the simplest good things in life from our time, i.e., building a skateboard from old roller skates (after you lose the key), shooting croquet in the backyard, playing board games with family.

The way I see it, I’ve earned each and every wrinkle and every gray hair on my head (although I’ll color until the day I die!!). I never let a day go by where I don’t thank God for the gifts in my life; my kids, hubby, family, and friends.

So when it’s “my turn to go,” I will be ready for the next adventure. By that time (hopefully not too soon!), I’ll be anxious to leave what this world has become in hopes there is something better in the world beyond (and I’ll go there without a single gray hair on my head).

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Men; Can’t Live Without Them, Can’t Kill Them

Why is it that we have such a hard time understanding men, and in all fairness, them understanding us? I know the reason and I’m going to share it with you! But not so fast…to first educate you men, here are the real definitions of words we woman use:

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
4. Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

Okay, so why is it so hard for us gals and guys to understand each other (although I think that list made things pretty clear to the men)? It is because we woman think with our hearts and emotions. Men, on the other hand, see the world in black and white. If you tell a man something and assume he’ll “get” the meaning of what you’re saying or he “should” understand what you mean or want, I have news for you, he probably won’t! Be clear girls and spell it out. Your man wants you to be happy and he knows that’s in his best interest! So tell him word for word, clear as day, and to the point what it is you need or want from him. Now watch your relationship smooth out!

Now guys, for your future safety, remember this final thought, “women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.”



Word list courtesy of http://www.jokesclean.com

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So When You’re Feeling Old...

I think its sad how the body ages, and never gracefully! Everybody knows that as soon as we are born, and even before, our body grows and develops; but for how long? Well I found out and it’s a sad story!

We develop and grow until the age of 25 (mentally it often takes much longer, LOL!). But after that point, we actually begin to grow old, age, mature, flat out rot! That’s right, after the ripe age of 25, our bodies actually begin to die. Now isn’t that the most frightening thing?

My youngest child will be 25 in April; now I am depressed! It’s hard enough to realize my own body is rotting away, but my baby as well?

So I guess the question is, how young can you die of old age?

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Please Don't Stalk Me, But Following is Okay!

Follow me through Blogger, Twitter, or link to me? Have an interesting Blog? Let's swap links!

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What Defines an Addiction Anyway?

When we think about addictions, we typically think drugs, alcohol, or gambling. And although a couple of these may be mildly settled into my own life, they are not my greatest fear. What is an addiction? According to Web by Google it is “being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming (especially alcohol or narcotic drugs) an abnormally strong craving.”

So what is my biggest fear of addiction? Freaken golf, that’s what it is! You might ask how one becomes addicted to a sport most find boring? F.Y.I, Vincent Cooper, a.k.a., Alice Cooper had a terrible alcohol problem back in his hard rock days of performing and “conforming” to the life of a rock and roll superstar; he was, and still is, an alcoholic. But Mr. Alice managed to control his addiction by replacing it with a less harmful one (or you would think). Freaken golf! So I share this sick addiction with the king of snakes of all people!

Okay, now let me explain what happened today. First off, in case you don’t understand this silly game, let me briefly fill you in. The ultimate goal of a golfer is the “hole in one.” That means, and let me be very clear, you hit the ball from the “tee” (the starting point of each golf hole on the course), you sink the ball into the little hole on the green (the ending point on each golf hole) in not two, not three, not four or more, but one, and only “one” shot!

If a regular golfer gets a “hole in one” just once in their lifetime, it’s good; that’s how special it is. So today I got a “hole in three;” even more rare and disgustingly sad for any golfer. Let me further explain.

Freddie Couples is a professional golfer on the P.G.A. tour. He once hit his tee shot (first shot on the hole) directly into a pond; what a bummer! Now the rules say he has to hit the shot again. But this time it is counted as shot number three. As the rules go, shot number one went into the water, shot number two is counted by bringing the ball back to the tee, and then the next shot counts as shot number three. So he hits this third shot and the ball goes in the hole for not a “hole in one,” but a hole in three! Three would normally be “par” for the hole. Today, I did this. Me and Freddie Couples, pouting together for eternity!

Even if you have never played the game, please sympathize with me and Freddie here—it’s a real bummer! So I am addicted to the game of golf. Maybe I should take up bowling?

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What's Hot, What's Not on Googles Top Results

What are the hottest items, events, or topics right now? Google knows. So out of sheer curiosity and just for the fun of it, I thought I would see what comes up on top in the Google Search box when I entered each letter of the alphabet one-at-a-time. Here are the results:

a - amazon
b - best buy
c – craigslist (I love CraigsList!)
d – dictionary
e – ebay
f – facebook
g – gmail
h – hotmail
i – imdb
j – jet blue
k – kohls
l – lowes
m – myspace
n – netflix
o – office depot
p – Pandora
q – quotes
r – realtor.com
s – southwest airlines
t – target (but Tiger Woods came in a close second!)
u – usps
v – verizon wireless
w – walmart
x – xbox 360 (not a lot of competition for “x”)
y – youtube
z - zillow

Holy cow! Am I mistaken, or aren’t we in a recession? Most of these search results are for retail stores. And what the heck is imdb and zillow? I guess I’ll go back to Google Search and find out!

Folks, this is the world we live in today. But tomorrow, these results might change. Let’s face it, Google knows all and if your business is at the top of their list, it’s most likely at the top of the retail market as well!

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Body Odor Closeby

So I went to the local casino this week and just as the penny machine I was playing began to hit big, a guy sat down next to me to play and immediately I noticed a horrible odor drifting at me—it was the big B.O.! Body odor at its very worst! Either this poor fellow had a medical condition or simply hadn’t bathed in a very long time. The stench was overwhelming. So what do you do in this situation? Here I am, finally happy to find a generous slot machine. But as I watch the pennies racking up in what should be a small-time celebration, all I can do is try to control the nauseous feeling quickly forming in my tummy.

I turned away as distant as I could and leaned off far from the man—and the machine. I had high hopes my new found lucky streak would extend to the possibility this smelly man would move on quickly—no such luck. The beverage waitress comes along, “drinks anyone?” Of course the man with B.O. replies, “I’ll have coffee”—not good. I hoped she might return with the coffee and the man’s machine might be so tight that he moves on—with his coffee. Bad luck again, for me that is; his machine began to pay, and pay big it did. For his twenty cent bet he racked up over $100.00 in a flash.

Meanwhile, here I am, leaning way over to one side trying to breathe some fresh air and allow my machine to finish paying off so I can leave. I can’t say the $30.00 I won was worth the “pain,” but it did make me wonder… did he ever notice I was swaying away from him? If so, did he wonder why, or does he know he smells bad? Does a person with extreme body odor not smell themselves at some point? Is it necessary for a person to carry Vicks Vapor Rub in their pocket for such instances? Would it be considered truly rude to inform an individual about their odor problem? What about bad breath? I guess that’s a whole different topic; maybe tomorrows post.

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Welcome to My New Blog

Wow! A new Blog about something, nothing, or everything! Let’s talk, shall we? My mind is like jello; no matter how I try to stop analyzing life and its contents, I just can’t keep it still!

So here I will chat with you about everything under the sun, or should I say, under the sun in “my mind!”

Keep stopping by here and I guarantee a new “twisted” adventure in Blog posting with regularity and confusion to interest all.

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