Thursday, March 18, 2010
When we think about addictions, we typically think drugs, alcohol, or gambling. And although a couple of these may be mildly settled into my own life, they are not my greatest fear. What is an addiction? According to Web by Google it is “being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming (especially alcohol or narcotic drugs) an abnormally strong craving.”
So what is my biggest fear of addiction? Freaken golf, that’s what it is! You might ask how one becomes addicted to a sport most find boring? F.Y.I, Vincent Cooper, a.k.a., Alice Cooper had a terrible alcohol problem back in his hard rock days of performing and “conforming” to the life of a rock and roll superstar; he was, and still is, an alcoholic. But Mr. Alice managed to control his addiction by replacing it with a less harmful one (or you would think). Freaken golf! So I share this sick addiction with the king of snakes of all people!
Okay, now let me explain what happened today. First off, in case you don’t understand this silly game, let me briefly fill you in. The ultimate goal of a golfer is the “hole in one.” That means, and let me be very clear, you hit the ball from the “tee” (the starting point of each golf hole on the course), you sink the ball into the little hole on the green (the ending point on each golf hole) in not two, not three, not four or more, but one, and only “one” shot!
If a regular golfer gets a “hole in one” just once in their lifetime, it’s good; that’s how special it is. So today I got a “hole in three;” even more rare and disgustingly sad for any golfer. Let me further explain.
Freddie Couples is a professional golfer on the P.G.A. tour. He once hit his tee shot (first shot on the hole) directly into a pond; what a bummer! Now the rules say he has to hit the shot again. But this time it is counted as shot number three. As the rules go, shot number one went into the water, shot number two is counted by bringing the ball back to the tee, and then the next shot counts as shot number three. So he hits this third shot and the ball goes in the hole for not a “hole in one,” but a hole in three! Three would normally be “par” for the hole. Today, I did this. Me and Freddie Couples, pouting together for eternity!
Even if you have never played the game, please sympathize with me and Freddie here—it’s a real bummer! So I am addicted to the game of golf. Maybe I should take up bowling?